Sometimes I feel it. The pressure of just being, of just being with Moebius syndrome. Being unique, and having that uniqueness be intricately tied to yet completely devoid from my conditions. Trying to find that within me that walks that line. I fail at it. I go full-tilt one way or another, trying to find that balance. I tweeted this earlier today as part of chat, and it is a reminder to myself.
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My favorite brown pants. Black v-neck. One of my favorite sweaters that I can only wear when it’s sort of chilly so it doesn’t itch but not too chilly that it’s not warm enough. And an Ace bandage back brace hidden beneath it.
That’s what I wore to work today.
And that is how I feel I live my life right now, not necessarily hiding things but just not having enough time, mental energy, willpower, who knows what to address.
I can get it together to get to work on time, have successful work days at my new and sometimes challenging job, do the volunteer commitments I have and have a bit of time for other fun things…
But sometimes I wish I could approach everyone I see and tell them that I hurt right now and everything I’m doing is informed by that. I have no idea what that would actually get me, since I abhor unnecessary sympathy – but maybe a bit of understanding?