Sometimes I feel it. The pressure of just being, of just being with Moebius syndrome. Being unique, and having that uniqueness be intricately tied to yet completely devoid from my conditions. Trying to find that within me that walks that line. I fail at it. I go full-tilt one way or another, trying to find that balance. I tweeted this earlier today as part of chat, and it is a reminder to myself.
I don’t do New Year’s Resolutions. Just not worth the pressure one puts on oneself. But of course I have lessons from 2014 and hopes for 2015.
Managed to start 2 new jobs in 2014, which I hope doesn’t happen again! Both good moves on my part and I learned a lot from both, but a little too much newness for my liking. I’m nearing the 6-month mark at work, and my instances of “oh %#^+ I have no clue what to do!” are (thankfully) rapidly decreasing. I like the feeling of going into work and basically feeling competent at what I’m doing. I applied to be on the list for a promotion… so, we’ll see.
Non-work things were sometimes great, often tough this year. My grandmother fell in the summer and passed away in the fall. That was rough for my mother and my extended family – even though she was not particularly grandmotherly in that stereotypical way, she was still family. I had 2 horses I was riding become lame and un-rideable. A looked-forward-to trip to New York City had to be cancelled. But, of course, those things are trivial when compared to family.
There was good stuff too – Friends at the Moebius Syndrome Conference, learning how to ride a big 18hh sweetie of a draft horse, a wonderful weekend on the beach at my favorite west coast hotel. In everything, I learned a lot about myself and about life (yeah, that sounds overwrought!)
But 2015 is looking promising… moving to an apartment closer to work and to the barn (and away from some of the anxiety-producing civil unrest) this month, traveling to NYC in February (yes, I will be freezing!), going to a really interesting conference in September. And hopefully moving up in my career.
We shall see what 2015 holds for me.